Fabiola Goes Whole Hog

A Post filled with actual useful information. Useful if you are into buying pork one hundred plus pounds at a time, that is.

Celebrate the end of August Full Moon! (Or celebrate a time reasonably close to the August full moon weighted by the readiness of the latest bunch ‘o feeder hogs from the farmer. This is a variable holiday.) Where was I? Ah! The waxing of the August moon! Days are warm, nights are cool, the goldenrod is in full bloom. And thanks to the modern deep freezer, it is the perfect time to celebrate hog killin’. Fabiola is country don't cha know?

All Hog Killin’s are a festival of three weights. (The best things come in threes, you know that.) Regardless, I start the celebration by calling up my local hog farmer, to lay claim to one of his hogs. This is a known fact: Get to know the farmer, hog farmers are generally fine people – do not, however, ask to be introduced to the actual hogs. It is best that way. Once you name them, you will not want to serve them to your relatives.

I double-check as to which processor the farmer is taking the hogs. (You didn’t think that Fabiola was going to slaughter her own hog did you?)

That was a rhetorical question dear.

On the day after the farmer delivers the hog, I call the processor to ask what my hog weighed. Weight one is the “live weight” and it means exactly what it sounds like. Live weight is the weight that the farmer bills for based on market price. In the same call, I tell them how I want my hog butchered. Yep, like standing at the meat counter of the grocery, only ordering meat for three months and one whopping big party too boot. Really, it is thrilling! Any event, if the hog has been killed and hung, I ask for the “hanging weight”. Imagine. Hook, cooler ::nodding:: that. Hanging weight is my celebration’s second weight, and the weight that the processor uses to calculate his charge.

Depending upon whether or not I want my bacon, hams and hocks, cured and smoked, in about a week to ten days, the processor will call and I will go to pick up my order. The third weight of my August Full Moon Extravaganza of Pork is the processed weight or the actual weight of the meat that I pick-up. Rule of thumb, I will take home in pounds about half the live weight of the hog, more or less (but not much less or someone is going to be explaining why).

This August’s Hog weighed:
219 pounds live weight
146 pounds hanging weight
110.5 pounds processed

I put in my freezer:

28.5 pounds of assorted chops
7.5 pound fresh ham roast
6.5 pound fresh arm roast
12.5 pounds of country ribs
3.5 pounds of spare ribs
12.0 pounds of ham steaks
7.0 pounds of smoked hocks
11.5 pounds of bacon
21.5 pounds of sausage patties

Now for the fun part of the celebration! After the hog is safely in the freezer, on the evening of the full moon, I build a small fire in the fire pit, toast marshmallows (even if you aren’t tired of thinking about pork chops – right at that point I am). Make S’Mores, drink hot chocolate laced with crème De Menthe, dance in the moon light and sing a song from my childhood:

When it’s hog killin’ time in Nebraska,
When it’s hog killin’ time in Nebraska …

Orient(al) Pork - A Recipe For Folk Who Already Know How to Cook

Orient(al) Pork

Orient(al) as in Orient Correctional Institution - Fabiola first created this recipe on the evening following a visit to a former beau. This beau became "former" just prior to gaining the new title of "inmate" at that medium security facility. The visit has nothing to do with the dish, other than after spending a day traveling and hearing heavy metal gates crash behind one, a gal wants a dinner that is both fast and pleasantly aromatic.

Ingredients in order of use:

Pork - 1 pound (or so) - Cut in 1/2" Cubes

Oil -- Enough to coat the bottom of your pan
Regarding the cooking oil, use whatever kind you prefer: Lard, Butter, EVOO, Peanut, Corn, Vegetable -Fabiola uses Peanut Oil - (ahem), but if Fabiola recommended that - some would jump up and down shouting and waving their arms like they just got a Bingo and the words they would be shouting -- "Extra Virgin Olive Oil" - you know who you are.

Garlic Powder

Onion Powder

Salt

Pepper

Celery Seed, Crushed

Light Sesame Oil

Brown Sugar

Maple Syrup - 2 or 3 Tablespoons (more or less)
Fabiola uses real Maple Syrup Boiled Down from actual Maple Tree Sap Only - seriously, if all you have is the flavored corn syrup kind, make pancakes.

Blackstrap Molasses - 1 or 2 tablespoons
Your Grandmother was right, it IS good for you. Use it more.

Nutmeg
Just a sprinkle

Maggi Sweet Chili Sauce (1/4 of a 10.1 oz Bottle)

Instructions:

CUBE Pork, SPRINKLE with Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Salt, Pepper, Crushed Celery Seed, TOSS.

HEAT Oil in Fry Pan - Medium Heat (you knew that) - Lightly BROWN Pork Cubes In Oil.

REDUCE HEAT to low.

ADD Light Sesame Oil, TOSS. ADD Brown Sugar, Blackstrap Molasses, Maple Syrup, Nutmeg, Chili Sauce, TOSS.

SIMMER until the pork is cooked through and the sauce has reduced.

SERVE over rice.

Fabiola declares this to be a recipe for people who already know how to cook, because she doesn't specify quantities on most of the ingredients. In keeping with the nature of Title - this is a "Zen" recipe, use your intuition.